Sneak Peek Alert: Vicky and Lizzie’s First Period by Andrew MacKay

Vicky and Lizzie's First Period (Kindle Cover)

Vicky & Lizzie’s First Period

Bloody Hell!

All together now…

There were two girls called Vicky & Lizzie
Who kept the Academy busy
Causing trouble and mirth
For all they were worth
Sending teachers right into a tizzy

They kicked-off a false, nasty rumour
That one of the staff was a groomer
For everyone knows
Gossip spreads out and grows
But the school didn’t quite see the humour

Would Vicky & Lizzie regret
All the damage they caused? Nah, not yet
Scheming, conniving
The girls kept on vying
A dangerous precedent was set

Vicky & Lizzie delivered a blitz
On a school at the end of its wits
Did they care? Did they f**k
They were common as muck
Those nasty, vindictive young s#!ts

This might cause upset and uproar
It’s a musical satire, what’s more
For the first time ever
We promise you’ve never
Read anything like this before

So pick up your copy today
Of a story about which you will say
That I wanted to barf
But so hard I did laugh
Vicky & Lizzie have just made my day!

 

**Today we have a sneak peek at Vicky and Lizzie’s First Period by Andrew MacKay. It is available on Amazon now and to celebrate the release, Andrew invites everyone to join the release party on Facebook. Links to Amazon and the launch party on Facebook are at the bottom- please, join us… it’s always a blast with author takeovers and tons of giveaways!

Vicky and Lizzie’s First Period is a dark musical satire and true to MacKay fashion, it is truly a one of a kind read. To give you a small taste to get your appetite going, I’m posting an excerpt from a chapter and will post one of the many songs that is held within the pages.

“Girls Just Wanna Make Bank”  (sung in the style of Cindi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun)

(Lyrics by V. Hopper and L. White)

 

Vicky:

I wake up, first thing in the morning,

And think “How do I make myself look less rank?”

The answer is simple, Liz,

You can’t offer the driver a wank,

Us girls, we gotta make bank.

Oh, girls just gotta make bank…

 

Driver:

Oh-ho, girls, they wanna make bank.

 

Vicky and Lizzie run alongside the car.
The driver toots his horn and winks at the pair.

 

Lizzie:

We can’t afford

To buy all the stuff we want

With the shitty pocket money we get.

Our parents force us to go on the rob

Us girls, we gotta make bank.

 

Driver:

Yes, you girls,

You gotta make bank.

 

The pedestrians stop and dance with the pair of girls.

An elderly couple with shopping bags.
A young mother with a baby in stroller.

 

Vicky & Lizzie:
Girls, we want,

Want to make bank.

 

Pedestrians:

When the school day starts and stuff,

Oh girls, you just want to make bank.

 

Vicky and Lizzie run off with a hop, skip and a jump.

A flurry of school kids join them as they
turn into the school road.

 

Vicky:

Some boys think that Lizzie and I

Do it for attention and lols.

We want to be the ones that they never blank

So us girls,

We go and make bank.

The other kids line up. Lizzie opens her bag and takes the money from the school children who buy the stolen sweets.

 

Children:

You need to,

You just need to-oo…

 

Lizzie:

Us girls just,

Wanna make bank.

 

         Lizzie slammed her rucksack on the wall outside the school. A torrent of students poured around them, making their way into the grounds.

Vicky pulled out her mobile phone and looked at the screen. ‘It’s only eight-twenty. We’re well early. How much did we get?’

Lizzie held up her hand and counted the gold and silver metal in her palm.

‘Dunno, hard to tell, I need to count it. Looks like about fifteen quid.’

‘It’s not enough, man,’ Vicky slapped Lizzie on the back. The brunette nearly dropped the coins to the floor. ‘We need to rake in some more cash.’

‘Be careful!’

The school buzzer blasted around the school ground entrance. Vicky looked over at the stone fountain that sat in the patio grounds. ‘Got any stuff left?’

‘Yeah, loads,’ Lizzie pocketed the coins and emptied the contents of her shirt into the rucksack. ‘Got all these fanny pads I stole, too.’

‘What are we gonna do with those, man?’

‘Dunno, yet.’ Lizzie zipped up her rucksack. She was about to lift it over her shoulders when a handsome young boy and his friend came into view.

Time seemed to slow down. The taller of the two boys, Jonnie Barron, shot Lizzie a shit-eating grin as they approached.

‘Hey, Jonnie,’ Lizzie said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

Jonnie snorted and bopped his little bespectacled friend, Sam, on the shoulder. ‘Yeah, whatever.’

‘Have a good weekend?’

‘Yeah, mate,’ Jonnie chuckled. ‘Spent it wanking over your Skullbook photos, didn’t I?’

‘What?’ Lizzie gasped as Vicky burst out laughing. ‘That’s gross, man!’

‘Go fuck your Dad.’

Lizzie liked Jonnie, and made damn sure he knew that she didn’t appreciate his rude remark. Jonnie made amends.

‘I’m sorry, that wasn’t right.’

Lizzie looked up, ready to forgive his apology. ‘That’s okay, Jon—’

‘—I meant step-dad. He’s not your real Dad, is he?’

‘No.’

‘Cool. So you can fuck him and it won’t be against the law, then.’

Jonnie and Sam burst out laughing. They made their way past the stone font that stood in the grounds of the school.

Gobsmacked, Lizzie turned to her friend. She found the whole exchange riotously funny. ‘What are you laughing at, you cow? You think that’s funny?’

‘He’s such a prick.’ Vicky shook her head and made her way toward the school entrance. ‘Dunno what you see in him.’

‘He’s fit, that’s all.’

‘You can do better than Jonnie Barron, mate.’

Lizzie sighed and looked over her shoulder. She saw a little ginger girl run up behind her and whispered to Vicky. ‘Ugh, that little gingerbread doll’s seen us.’

‘Hey, Lizzie!’ Jody caught up to her, tightening a hair band around her ginger ponytail. ‘You okay?’

‘Uh, hey, Jody. Yeah, whatever.’

‘You hear from Layla?’ Jody asked. ‘She’s been off for a week, now.’

‘We ain’t heard shit from Layla Quick,’ Vicky said. ‘Where is she?’

‘She’s moved to another school, temporarily. Since that whole thing with Mr Galigan from Geography.’

 

Vicky, Lizzie and Jody pushed through the main school doors and into the entrance.

Staff members milled around talking to each other. Vicky turned to Jody as they walked. ‘What happened, then?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘With Layla and Mr Galigan?’ Lizzie butted in, losing her patience.

‘Not here,’ Jody whispered. She was scared members might overhear them. ‘I’ll tell you in tutor.’

The three girls made their way past the reception – and almost into the path of Mr Foster, the principal of the school.

‘Girls, mind where you’re going.’

Vicky made an apologetic face. ‘Yes, sir.’

‘It’s nearly twenty to nine. Go straight to tutor, please.’

‘Yes, sir.’

Vicky giggled to herself and winked at Mr Foster. He watched the trio walk toward the playground as the final morning bell sounded off.

‘What are you playing at?’ Lizzie asked Vicky.

‘What?’

‘Giving Foster the eye and being all like “sorry, sir,” like a proper teacher’s pet.’

Vicky pushed through the set of double doors that lead to the IT department staircase. ‘Oh, come on, Liz.’

‘What?’

‘Every chance he gets, he gawps at my legs.’

‘Eh? Does he actually?’

‘Are you really that stupid? He tries not to show it, but he’s definitely doing it.’

‘Ugh, that’s gross, man.’

Vicky and Lizzie gripped the stair rail and aided their two-at-a-time ascent up the stairs. Jody tried to enact the same but was far too small to keep up.

‘Wait for me, guys!’

‘Come on, you redheaded stepchild!’ Lizzie screamed after her. ‘Keep up!’

‘Don’t call me that!’

Jody reached the top step and disappeared into the IT corridor with her two chums.

 

The twelve-year-olds ran into the corridor with gay abandon. They were unaware that their lives – and the lives of the staff – were about to change significantly during the course of the week…

 

About Andrew Mackay​

Some authors are afraid to cross the line.

Me? Oh, I’m glad you asked! I make “the line” my starting point…

My brand is satire.

I hop between genres like madman on crack because my razor-sharp literary knife is hungry for political and social commentary. One genre just can’t cut it (if you’ll forgive the pun.) I’m obsessed, I tell you!

I write straight-up humor and farce, horror, crime, romance… all under the banner of satire.

My novels often contain a ruthless commentary on society, delving into the darker machinations of modern life. They can be uproarious, funny, outrageous and shocking. Make no mistake, though. They are this way for a reason, and always come equipped with a sense of humanity and wit.

My influences include John Cleese, Tom Sharpe, Kurt Vonnegut, James Patterson, Hunter S Thompson, Douglas Adams, Imogen Edwards-Jones, Michael Frayn, Chris Morris, Jerry Sadowitz, Christopher Hitchins, Bill Maher, George Carlin, Jordan Peterson, Pat Condell, and writer/director Larry Cohen.

My obsessions include (and are essentially limited to) obscene amounts of: smoking, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sex, debating, daydreaming and writing about himself in the third person.

Purchase on Amazonhttp://amzn.to/2E6h5kO

Website – https://chromevalleybooks.com/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/chromevalleybooks

Twitter – https://twitter.com/Andrew_CVB

Join Andrew Mackay on Facebook for a virtual launch party tonight for a selection of author takeovers and giveaways.

5:00 – 8:00 CST (6-9 PM EST)  which is  23:00 – 02:00 GMT (14/15 Feb)

https://www.facebook.com/events/254661718405712/

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In Their Shoes: The Teacher

In Their Shoes The Teacher.jpeg

Reviewed by Demetrius Svette

*This book was provided for an honest review

I have to admit that I have read most everything from Mr. MacKay ever since I started reviewing mid-last year. I started with the madness that is Pure Dark and branched into the other genres from there- he certainly has kept me busy with reading a lot. I have experienced just about everything you can think of so far in Andrew’s world… but nothing has shocked or stunned me more than reading In Their Shoes: The Teacher. I have started something that I have to continue, thanks to Andrew MacKay’s writing skills.

We meet our main character, Jane Altwood… no, Joy Alterwood… or was it Joyce Attwood? Well, we’ll call her Joy Altwild. Ms. Altwild has decided that she wants to become a journalist who will shadow different people’s footsteps to help her write a book; one such person is Rachel Weir, the ‘star’ of the school. Ms. Weir is one of the best teachers at Maxwell Gooder’s Comprehensive School located in Fingeringham, Wiltshire where she is the sole English and Business Studies instructor. Joy follows Rachel through the ruthless battle between the good and bad kids in her class, including escaping to her secret office. We read into the life of Rachel as she slowly begins to break apart throughout the day. Again, we have a chance to learn more about the corruption that is in the forefront of the minds of youth today that builds into a never-ending page tuner filled with multiple paths, personalities and where the number one rule is to control the classroom. Can Joy survive the day alongside Rachel? Will Rachel survive the menacing torture from the youth on a Monday, after a weekend full of freedom from the wild kids? You will have to find out just as I have and read for yourselves. I will tell you, I wish I would have started this sooner and I look forward to continuing the series… yes, In Their Shoes is a series that we get to enjoy.

Now, this is my first comedy read- In Their Shoes is filled with dark laughter with a bit more of a real correlation between fiction and reality. It was actually a relief to break away from the murder, abuse and violence that I have been steady reading… well, let’s just say I didn’t escape it all. Andrew, of course I have to praise you yet again. I know this is the first book in the series but you brought a hell of a cliffhanger that has me begging for more. A simple cliffy that you can easily miss if you weren’t paying attention, as I did. It made me laugh and I felt quite disturbed for the teachers. This book made me feel as if it was actually based on true events as some kids can be quite disturbing to be around. It’s almost as if you wrote a book while thinking of writing a book then wrote it from the eyes of another person… I think I got that right and if not, oh well- I hope you get the point I’m trying to get across. In Their Shoes is legendary, creative and I very much enjoyed it from start to finish. Now, I must stop writing so I may continue on to read the next In Their Shoes, which I do believe is The Actor, which should be interesting.

If this review was enough to whet your appetite, click here to get your copy!

Let’s Kill Mr. Pond

Let's Kill Mr Pond

 

Reviewed by Demetrius Svette

*This book was provided for an honest review

We have come to realize that the world, when it comes to education, has faltered into turmoil… at least in Andrew Mackay’s representation of his own world in Chrome Valley. In very vivid detail, MacKay brings us a perfected chaos in Chrome Junction Academy. We have experienced a school setting from MacKay before in Versus but not as hard as we do in Let’s Kill Mr. Pond– meaning this time, we get a look at the interactions between the students and the faculty. You will be able to connect with multiple characters in this one, feel their pain and torment almost as if it were your own, but this is only the start into the world that Andrew provides for us. MacKay never disappoints, as he made me sit and read Let’s Kill Mr. Pond in one sitting- with no stops, even for something as important (or trivial for some) as sleep.

We start with our main characters first, Andrew providing us an opportunity to step into their shoes- Sam and Jonnie. Jonnie is a ruthless back-talking child that has a bit of problem with listening and it makes you wonder if he may be hiding something deep down. Is his callous behavior a mask that he wears to fool everyone around him, including himself? Sam is a nerd of sorts who is having a rough life between home and school. Sam is probably the closest thing to a best friend to Jonnie. Follow these two on an adventure of rude behavior, a bit of humor and thrills that will get under your skin. Let’s Kill Mr. Pond may begin with humor and brashness but the words an infliction of tone that is used is harsh and sometimes a bit hard to take in as the plan is formed to kill the teacher they hate the most, Mr. Pond. The adventure begins when Sam and Jonnie set their plan in motion as you journey through their home lives and school. It will make you think for years to come… and God forbid if you have any teenagers, if you do, keep them close and never let them go. Be a part of their lives and never give up. Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself but if you want to flip through the pages and find an extraordinary tale, then this book is for you. Let’s Kill Mr. Pond will make you laugh, fill your gut with disgust and will crawl under your skin in hopes of finding a permanent home deep down inside of you. It will also make you think of the ‘what ifs?’ and always keep you thinking about how close you really are to your children.

Andrew MacKay is very talented at his words and layouts- you get a different taste of this world in each one that is a never-ending connection between each book. You will love to taste a piece of this life. Andrew used to be a teacher himself and I think that is why this book is so great. He used his real life experiences and brought them into the world of Chrome Valley. MacKay continues to surprise me… and I’m never disappointed reading his work. In this latest work, he brings us warmth, a psychological breakdown from a teenager’s perspective and the process of many adult lives. Even though this is not horror, Let’s Kill Mr. Pond will stay with you for years to come in the execution of Sam and Jonnie’s plan. Andrew conquers the structure and brings madness inside.

You can click here to pre-order your copy for only $.99 until Monday, January 15th, 2018.